I remember the moment I realized that I didn't have to have hurt feelings or emotional pain surrounding different challenges or events in my life. I was 30 years old and had discovered and began to embark on an accelerated journey of spirituality and self.
What I realized was this:
Others do not hurt me. I hurt myself.
Let me explain...
I set up the expectations on how others are to treat me and act around me. Whether or not those expectations are realistic is something to look at...something to inspect.
In the olden days of hurt feelings, in my mind, it was those around me that were supposed to act certain ways and when they did not, they have hurt me. When they did not live up to my expectations of them, they hurt me. When, really, it was my setting the expectations for them that actually hurt me. Withough those expectations, nobody could have hurt me the way I thought they had.
Yes, I know it's simplified. Yes, I know there are some very reasonable expectations that are commonplace. For example, I fully expect my husband to not go out and cheat on me because of certain promises we made to each other. I believe these are reasonable expectations within a marriage. Although...again, it is the expectation that creates the pain, not the other person.
When you have unreasonably high expectations, this was a way of making others responsible for my feelings, rather than taking on that responsibility myself.
When others were responsible for my feelings, I remained a victim. I gave away my power. I found people, friends, family, who would support and validate this "victim-ness." So, when things went wrong, it wasn't my fault and made me out to be the good guy.
Or, so I thought.
Today, when I see people blaming others in this same way, I just feel pity and hope for them that one day they will take on the responsibility of their own feelings. It is a delightful feeling, to know and trust that I have the power and control to decide how I want to respond to everything around me, rather than taking the default conditioned road of reactions. Remember, your thoughts dictate your feelings.
What I have seen this does for you is gives you the power to actually...BE HAPPY. To actually...BE IN CONTROL. To actually...INSPIRE OTHERS.
You see, when you remain a victim, you simply sabotage your efforts of being successful in many areas of your life, including your business.
Women entrepreneurs, I call on you to take back your power, be not only responsible of...but take ownership of...your happiness.
Katheryn L. Olsen
Self-Mastery Coach for Entrepreneurs
Author, "Success Or Sabotage"